• Get in the fukin van
    Kidnapper:
  • Oh ok cool
    Me:
  • Wut
    Kidnapper:
  • This is a febreze commercial right
    Me:
  • Wut
    Kidnapper:
  • Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
    Me:
yourtourhost:

relationship goals

yourtourhost:

relationship goals

twenyonepilots:

do you ever get sad attacks and it drains you and you’re just left sitting there like wow this is so uncalled for rude

reinventingthekarmicwheel:

girl: i love you

me: welcome to the club

girl: *gets offended and walks away*

me: …u were the first member

like if u cried

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear

pomeranianprivilege:

the thing i hate most about people who preach ‘non-violence’ and ‘peace’ is that they never preach to those in power, you’ll never hear any of them demanding the police stop killing black people, to stop destroying their neighborhoods, and to put their weapons down, and that’s because these people are not against violence, they are only against resistance. 

rexuality:

but how do you convince little kids to wear clever costumes they won’t appreciate?

"mommy can i be batman?"
"no you and your brother are going as van gogh and the starry night painting, it’ll be so hilarious and witty"
"i want to be batman though"
"shhhhh mommy needs more followers on pinterest"

slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

apollollo:

send this to your crush

apollollo:

send this to your crush

empyrean-princess:

adventuretimeandsuperjailrock:

If this isn’t good marketing I literally don’t want to know what is.

the BMO one though….